In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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