I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
