Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
