I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
