Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
