all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
