Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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