We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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