Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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