He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
