i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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