Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
