Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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