you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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