the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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