really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
