The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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