Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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