I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
