remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
