The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
