watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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