Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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