he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
