Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
