I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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