Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
