I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
