I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
