I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
