At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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