I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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