I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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