I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
