I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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