Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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