Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
