Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
