it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
