Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
