Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
