I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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