Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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