He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Randomize
