just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
