Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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