thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
