whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
