Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I want is dick and wine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
