So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
